When we think of healing, we often imagine a clean, linear process, a straight path from pain to peace, from brokenness to wholeness. But the truth is, healing rarely looks the way we expect it to. It’s not always beautiful, it’s not always graceful, and it definitely doesn’t happen on a tidy schedule.
In a world that romanticizes growth and recovery, it’s important to talk about what healing really looks like, and what it absolutely doesn’t.
What healing does look like:
1. Messy and nonlinear progress
Healing doesn’t follow a straight line. It zigzags. You might feel great for weeks, only to crash emotionally for no clear reason. That doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you’re human. Progress can look like one step forward, two steps back, and then a giant leap when you least expect it.
2. Grief and anger
Healing involves feeling things you may have buried for a long time. Old wounds resurface not to torment you, but to be acknowledged and released. Crying, yelling, journaling, or just sitting with your feelings, these are all signs that you’re doing the inner work.
3. Setting boundaries
A major part of healing is learning to say no. That may include distancing yourself from people or environments that once felt familiar. It might feel selfish at first, but choosing peace over pleasing others is a strong sign of growth.
4. Small, unseen victories
Getting out of bed, speaking up in a meeting, resisting the urge to numb out, these small moments may not look like much on the outside, but they represent huge internal shifts. Healing often happens quietly.
5. Ongoing effort
Healing is not a destination, it’s a lifelong process. You might feel “healed” one day and triggered the next. That’s okay. True healing is not about eliminating pain forever, but learning how to hold it with compassion and respond to it in healthier ways.
What healing doesn’t look like:
1. Perfection
Healing doesn’t make you immune to mistakes or emotional pain. If you still get anxious, upset, or reactive, that doesn’t mean you’re broken. You’re still healing, and you always will be, in some way.
2. Constant positivity
You don’t have to be grateful for everything that hurt you in order to heal. You can be healing and still feel angry, tired, or resentful. Healing is about honesty, not forced optimism.
3. Approval from others
You don’t need other people to validate your process. Your healing journey is your own. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else.
4. Quick fixes
There’s no shortcut to genuine healing. Self-help hacks and positive affirmations have their place, but deep transformation takes time, patience, and often, a lot of discomfort.
5. Always feeling better
Sometimes healing feels worse before it feels better. That’s because you’re confronting things you once avoided. The discomfort is a sign you’re facing truth, not a sign you’re failing.
Healing is hard work
It’s not about looking healed, it’s about being whole, which is something deeper, quieter, and more resilient. You might not always see your progress, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. If you’re showing up, feeling your feelings, and choosing growth over comfort, you’re healing.
Give yourself credit for that.
Even on the hard days.
Especially on the hard days.
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